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Reviews and pictures of actress Concha Valero naked in "El hombre del pito mágico", "Bacanales romanas", "En busca del polvo perdido", and 3 more titles.
Born: 1958 Country: Spain
Slim and elegant brunette whose well-chiselled features and powerful disingenuous smile ideally suited her to the bitchier genre roles.
Depravación (Isabel Mulá, Spain, 1982) (as Lucía aged 24)
# Bacanales romanas (Jaime J. Puig, Spain, 1982) (featuring Concha Valero as Romana 1ª aged 24) ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭
A supporting role for Concha in this squalid Roman pantomime. She's badly dressed (but then sackcloth never looks good on anybody) so presumably she's a slave. One of a trio of ancillae who keep pouncing on men and stripping naked. The men seldom look pleased so I wonder why they do it. Perhaps they wouldn't if their clothes weren't so itchy.
In the second clip Concha goads her pals (somehow we all know she's the ringleader) into luring a blameless Roman citizen into a taberna with the promise of a 'good time'. It doesn't take long for him to realise he's been cruelly deceived. In fact it's worse than that time his niece and her friends got hold of that sherry. When Concha succeeds in sitting on his face he finally cracks and gesticulates angrily; the fun is over for today.
# Inclinación sexual al desnudo (Ignacio F. Iquino, Spain, 1982) (featuring Concha Valero as Doris aged 24) ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭
with Carmen Serret, Tessi Arno, Alejo del Peral, Víctor Guerrero, Cora Martín, Fernando del Río, Miguel Estévez, Esther Márquez, Montserrat Miralles, Pedro Fontana, Fredy Ripers and Josep Lluís Fonoll
More of the usual lightweight give-the-punter-exactly-what-he-wants from Spanish director Iquino. Concha plays studio assistant to erotic photographer Tessi Arno who, strangely for a girl, has a small "willy".
In the first clip the two "women" (now I come to think of it Concha is not entirely un-boyish herself) are changing their clothes after one of their many trips to the beach with their favourite pair of lesbian models. Concha finds the spectacle of Tessi shaving her armpits powerfully erotic and retires to her room to masturbate. Viewers who learned in adolescence how to do this properly - door bolted, lights out, bedclothes tucked under the chin - will scorn her for getting every single detail wrong. The clip ends with Concha relaxing - goodness don't things move quickly when you're in a gender-fluid ménage à quatre! - naked with Tessi's lesbian pets.
Concha is back from the beach again in the second clip, this time with models Carmen Serret and Cora Martín. Everything is delightfully girly at first as the two exhibitionist young lesbians pet Concha, giggle, share chocolates, and playfully tousle her ringlets. But events move quickly from kissing to full clothing removal and more. The only fault with the scene is it's sometimes difficult to tell who exactly has her thighs wrapped around the neck of whom.
Finally we visit the photographic studio for a shoot featuring the pets as bottomless motorcyclists. You'd think the spectacle would be more than enough to occupy the attention of the glamorous snapper and her passionate helper, but the pair are far more interested in each other and Tessi is soon putting her "willy" to good use nailing Concha to the studio floor. Those neglected models are surely entitled to be miffed in an Oi!-aren't-you-supposed-to-be-taking-pictures sort of way but luckily they see the funny side and the clip ends with everyone running around deliciously naked Benny Hill style, though the effect here is marred by the video quality being not at all good.
# Porno: Situación límite (Manuel Esteba, Spain, 1982) (featuring Concha Valero as Chica de Leopoldo aged 24) ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭
Typical Spanish rape-gang trash (cf. La desnuda chica del relax) partly redeemed by a great theme by Stelvio Cipriani. But that only plays at the beginning and end, and in the meantime it looks like we're stuck with images of fat sweaty hogs clambering on top of skanky starlets (I swear one of them has a 'willy') in the seedier kind of hotel rooms.
Things pick up however, and later we meet some familiar faces undergoing degradation in scenes that are moderately explicit if not particularly inventive. I was pleased to meet the slim and hairy Concha for instance. And I take it back about the fat sweaty hogs. This is clearly a nice old gentleman, some sort of politician who practises his speeches on the girl only when she's masturbating in the shower - a time when she can't be expected to feign even a polite level of interest. The man's got tact.
After her shower Concha straddles the nice old gentleman for 'sixty-nine'. But - alas! - before she can get dressed a masked man bursts into the room waving a sub-machine gun. Just when things were going so well...
Secta siniestra (Ignacio F. Iquino, Spain, 1982) not nude ✘ (as Margaret aged 24)
# En busca del polvo perdido (Enrique Guevara, Spain, 1982) (featuring Concha Valero as Josele aged 24) ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭
A short story from an incompetent Spanish collection in which the usually glamorous Concha charms as an (at first sight) rather shy and dowdy shop assistant with her hair falling in front of her eyes (cf. Dirce Funari in Le evase).
The conceit is that one of those ritual father and son 'defloration' trips common in Latin countries, conventionally to the local brothel, is in this case taking place in the gentleman's outfitters. Perhaps because of its surprise value; the young chap is certainly taken unawares. When he retired to the changing room clutching a pair of scarlet briefs he didn't expect Concha to jemmy the door open and start testing the fit. That's the trouble with this girl, she's just so terrifyingly efficient. She really should have been a nurse.
The son gets his regulation 'blow job' while outside 'Dad' acts the fool like one of those old duffers in a Harry Enfield sketch. But will he end up getting his hoggins too? We leave things with Concha marching after him in the manner of a girl who shoots to kill...
Una virgen para Calígula (Jaime J. Puig, Spain, 1982) (as Pitonisa Lela aged 24)
# Los sueños húmedos de Patrizia (Ignacio F. Iquino, Spain, 1982) (featuring Concha Valero as Patrizia aged 24) ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭
with Jaime Bascu, Christine, Joaquín Gómez, Mery Saliner, Ana M. Moreno Rufo, Miguel Estévez, Alejo del Peral and Montserrat Miralles
Spanish erotic melodrama packed with so many moodily-lit multi-way sex scenes it works only as an awful form of aversion therapy. On the plus side, Concha shows star quality in every way.
The first clip sees Concha at home with a glass of wine, a roaring fire, and a favourite video. We won't go into any unpleasantness about what's in the video; it's a major plot point, but the Crying Game aura is too strong. She slopes enticingly across the hearthrug and comes to rest upon her belly; it's the perfect setting for matrimonial buggery. To the relief of anyone feeling dirty just watching it Concha has a shower afterwards. She has mastered the old soft porn star's trick of making her fanny look hairier by lathering soap around the edges.
In the second clip Concha wakes from a bad dream. Luckily she was staying at a girlfriend's (Mery Saliner) house; she's a mature woman who'll put an end to any more nightmares. The same girlfriend can be seen taking down another girlfriend's knickers in the background of the orgy scene in clip three. Concha gets her pants pulled down too, and it's done elegantly enough, but it's so dull I bet the girl was relieved to be interrupted by that phone call.
The fourth clip is a soft-focus lesbian threesome where Concha takes her turn on top. Meanwhile a chambermaid sneaks in to watch while slitching herself unseen on the sofa - reassuring to anyone worried that cliché had been neglected for almost an hour.
Finally, at the end of her erotic journey of sexual self-discovery, Concha dims the lights, puts on a record, and lets her husband chase her under the duvet to romantic music. At least I think it's the same bloke, I haven't been keeping tabs to be honest. The moral seems to be you have to travel a long way to get back where you started. Oh well. The ending is even more down-to-earth: two girls kissing. Who knows, perhaps they're setting up a sequel?
La ingenua, la lesbiana y el travesti (Alfonso Balcázar, Spain, 1983) (as Inés aged 25)
Las viciosas y la menor (Alfonso Balcázar, Spain, 1983) (as Sofía aged 25)
# El hombre del pito mágico (Carlos Aured, Spain, 1983) (featuring Concha Valero as Diana aged 25) ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭
with Andrea Albani, Josep Lluís Fonoll, Jordi Batalla, Ana M. Moreno Rufo, Julia Caballero, Olga Rodríguez and Patricia Cauzard
Concha has been invited round to make up an umpteen-some in this drab Spanish comedy. Along with another lady she turns up with a bad haircut and in a horrid frock looking scrawny and masculine. Not put to good use then; she could at least have been allowed to order people around or something like that.
Whatever the pretext for her invitation it was never part of the plan that Concha should waste any time. So it's straight down to lesbian 'scissor' sex - not as good as 'missionary' but still very nice. We also get to vicariously enjoy one of the other delightful parts of being a lesbian: you get to jump into each other's arms naked from a distance of six feet every time you think you hear burglars. I reckon I could rig something up that knocked over a dustbin every half hour and worked all night. The tragic irony: no woman would ever have the nouse.
In the second clip Concha and friend have been tied and gagged for reasons that are unclear but no doubt well-founded. After further misadventures Concha ends the film sitting naked in Andrea Albani's lap (usually a sign of a job well done).
Colegialas lesbianas y el placer de pervertir (Alfonso Balcázar, Spain, 1983) (as Tía Isabel aged 25)
El marqués, la menor y el travesti (Alfonso Balcázar, Spain, 1983) (as Alicia aged 25)
Julieta (Alfonso Balcázar, Spain, 1983) (as Sofía aged 25)
Los locos, locos carrozas (Francesc Herrera, Spain, 1984) (aged 26)
Pepe Carvalho S01E06: La curva de la muerte (Adolfo Aristarain, 1986) (as Prostituta aged 28)
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